More on Happiness....

I have made *some* progress over the years in terms of this whole happiness thing. There used to be a time when I pushed all my hopes and dreams for happiness into how I looked. I told myself that if only I had the perfect body, if only I lost weight, then I would finally be happy. Those were some dark days in terms of my eating disorder.

So the good news is that I'm no longer of THAT mindset anymore. I can accept that my body is what it is, and although it might be nice to be in better shape or lose a few pounds or whatever, my happiness isn't riding on it. And if I'm miserable with the rest of my life, 10 pounds off my body isn't going to change that. I truly get that.

So that's good, that's progress. BUT....my problem is that I've still been looking outside of myself for happiness. Marriage, money, a house, kids, "stuff", friends, whatever...I've been looking at the world around me, grabbing onto the people and things in it, and expecting to find happiness there.

Not so strangely, I haven't been able to find it. Or, I find it for a little while, and then always end up being disappointed by it. The truth is that I've been looking in all the wrong places.

The key to happiness - lasting and true happiness - rests with me.

I realize that I am the only thing standing in the way of my own happiness. I could have a million dollars or all the friends in the world and still not be happy. I could also have relatively little in my life, and still find reasons to be happy and content and find joy there. It all centers around me.

I'm gonna be honest here people, though...even though I realize that happiness hinges with me, I still don't really know how to actually be happy. How to let the joy into my life. How to feel as though I deserve the good things that find their way to me. How NOT to sabotage myself. I know that I'm making progress, but I still have a long, long way to go.....