If My Purse Could Talk

Dear Chris:

It's been almost one week since your lovely wife found me at Value Village amongst the old lady bags and ratty 80s throwbacks. It was love at first sight for the both of us - I knew as soon as I laid eyes on her that we were well suited for one another; it was a match made in heaven. I knew that she would be just the kind of owner who would treat me as I so desperately deserved.

Now, one week later, it would appear that I may have been mistaken.



This simply just won't do! My talents and my beauty are being squandered in this type of environment. I'm not being allowed to thrive and show off my beauty and my usefulness.

Now honestly, I realize that it's not really your wife's fault. She's a stay at home mom after all, and there are few places that she can take me out to. I'm a high maintenance kind of purse; I need to be taken to nice restaurants, or at the very least a movie. I'm not the kind of bag that can be crammed into a backpack and lugged along to the library or the playground.

This is more of the kind of environment that I thrive in:



If I may be so bold, Chris, allow me to take this time to remind you that both Mother's Day AND your wife's birthday are coming up in just a couple of weeks. Both of these are perfect opportunities for your wife to take me on the kind of outing that I so desperately crave, and dare I say it, deserve.

I beg of you, please don't allow me to collect any more dust than I already have.

Reason # 754 to homeschool your kids...

Mr. Bruce O'Handley.

The reason why I desperately hope my daughters NEVER have to go to junior high at public school...



What's tall and has the IQ of a salad bar?

Bruce O'Handley!

The Socialization Rant

Well, I promised y'all a rant, and apparently, I'm in a ranting mood this morning.

Socialization. As I mentioned before, as a homeschooler, this is a word that comes up more often than I'd like. Lots of people who didn't, don't, and never will homeschool their kids like to bring this up as an argument against homeschooling.

As a homeschooler, socialization is one of my arguments for homeschooling.

I looked up the definition of 'socialization' on dictionary.com. It reads: "a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position."

So basically what we're talking about (in a school setting) is the concept of kids looking to other kids their own age to figure out what is socially acceptable behaviour. Now, I've got nothing against other people's kids per se, but do I really want my five year old learning their social cues from other five year olds?

I don't think so.

I hate to say it, but kids are obnoxious. Spend any amount of time with a group of kids all the same age and it will become painfully clear. Mob mentality and all that.

In school, kids spend the majority of their time with other kids exactly their own age. Beyond that, particularly in the younger grades, they even separate off by gender as well. That means that at five, my daughter would probably be learning things like boys are yucky, princesses are the best thing ever, and my parents don't know shit. The teacher provides a bit of an adult reality check, but really, how effective is that in a room where the kid-to-adult ratio is, at best, 20 to 1?

In a homeschooling situation, my child is exposed to people of all ages. Instead of being trapped in a classroom all day long, learning how to take in information and spit it back out in a socially acceptable way, and interact only with those kids exactly her own age, she is learning about life. She's learning how to interact in the real world, which is full of seniors and babies and people of all ages in between, not just other five year olds. I'm happy to report that my oldest daughter has no preconceived notions that she can (and should) only play with other five year old little girls. She has friends of all ages - her birthday parties with demonstrate this, with almost as many adult invitees as children. She has plenty of exposure to adults, who, I daresay, are a teensy bit better equipped to demonstrate socially acceptable norms than other kids her age.

I like the fact that, as a homeschooler, my kids are going to be taught to think like themselves, not exactly like kids her own age. Sure, she's going to get exposure to groups of kids her age, but that's not going to be her major social education. Those experiences are going to be balanced with a heavy dose of interaction with adults and other children of all ages. Because let's face it, after we're out of school, when are we ever exposed to large groups of people exactly our own ages?

Oh yeah, that's right - I forgot, we aren't. Just another example of where the school system fails us.

Thank U

A Note To My Hubby

(For those of you who don't know, last fall my husband quit his full time (dead end) job to go back to school full time. )

* * *

Dear Sweetie:

Your first semester is over! You've worked so hard these last 8 months and all of the hard work has paid off. I probably don't tell you enough how very proud I am of you. Making the decision to go back to school wasn't an easy one for us, but it felt right from the start, even despite the difficulties and the challenges that we have faced.

I know that over the last 8 months I haven't always been as supportive as I could and should have. I've been a little too focused on myself, and my own wants and needs, and for that, I am truly sorry. You know that I'm on the road to healing, and I sincerely hope that it has shown up lately in my support and love for you. Even when I haven't been showing it, I've always been behind you in this decision.

I've given up guessing any more what the future holds for us, but I know that as long as we have each other, then everything will be just fine. You're a great father, a wonderful husband, a terrific friend, and I am so fortunate that I have you in my life.

Thank you for being you.

That Word

I've read a lot of homeschooling books over the past couple of years. One of the things I've read about is how often non homeschoolers, when talking to homeschoolers, always bring up one particular word - 'socialization'. I used to think that it was a bunch of hooey, that it wasn't really all that common.

Boy, was I wrong.

I tend not to engage in homeschooling conversations with non-homeschoolers if I can help it. I've noticed that people are often defensive about their own educational choices; it's almost as if my personal decision to homeschool is somehow a comment on their decision not to homeschool. My personal opinion, really, is that every family has to decide what is right for them. For some families it's homeschooling, for others its private school, for others it might be something like french immersion, and still others, public school. It's a very personal decision, and I don't enjoy people commenting on MY choices, so why would I comment on YOURS?

Often when the subject of homeschooling does come up with non-homeschoolers, particularly with those who want to talk me out of it, that dreaded word does indeed come up. "Aren't you concerned about socialization?" they ask. The first few times this came up, I was amazed. It really does happen, just like they say in the books!

It's funny how so many people have this vision of homeschooling families being shut up inside their houses, being sheltered from the world. It's really not like that at all, at least not with many of the homeschooling families that I have seen around. In fact, a lot of homeschooling kids that I've seen are polite, well-mannered, and able to converse with people of all ages, not just children their own age. I look at my own two kids and see that they have people they consider 'friends' of all ages. Em, in fact, makes friends wherever she goes - librarians, bus drivers, grocery-store cashiers, an elderly couple who lives in our neighbourhood, random people at bus stops. She plays with children of all ages, as well, babies and older children alike. This is not a kid that has difficultly being social with anyone of any age. Mo, although generally a bit slower to warm up, also has friends of all ages.

My biggest socialization concern when it comes to homeschooling is my own. I need adult contact on a regular basis in order to feel like a normal human being. I've attended a few homeschooler outings lately, and my primary concern is scoping out other parents that *I* like and get along with. Hey, I'm not necessarily looking to make a new best friend, but I least want to connect with other parents that I can relate to, share similar interests with, and can hopefully have a giggle with from time to time.

I've met a few other moms lately that I'm enjoying getting to know. It's fun having someone new to chat with and get to know. In one case, I've spent more time chatting with the mom than the kids have spent getting together - let's just hope that our kids 'click', otherwise we'll be screwed. Ah, well, we'll turn 'em into friends if it kills us! ;) It's for mommy's own good, kids. I need friends, too....otherwise this homeschooling thing just isn't going to work out.

Retail Therapy

I've probably mentioned before that I LOOOOOOVE second-hand shopping. Love it, love it, love it! I love it to the point where I'm basically ruined for 'regular' retail shopping. I hate going to the mall and seeing a shirt for $40 - I see it and think to myself how I could find something very similar at Value Village for $6. Hey, even Value Village prices sometimes are too high for me. I found a cute top there (American Eagle, brand new with the tags still attached) - it was $10. I tried it on, loved it, but then decided that I didn't love it enough for $10, and put it back on the rack. Yeah, I'm cheap like that.

The things I love about second hand shopping, other than the cheap prices, are the facts that I'm helping to recycle, and I'm not supporting 3rd world child labour with my purchases. It's win-win for everyone, as far as I'm concerned.

Yesterday I hit Value Village with a carload of my girlfriends for the afternoon. It was great! I love going there with a big group of friends - we act silly, hauling strange things off the racks and holding them up for some laughs, plus everyone is pretty good about offering their opinions on the items we choose to model for second opinions. We giggle, we laugh, we draw in strangers with our conversations and our good moods. It's great!

I made several good finds yesterday.

Mel would be proud of this one. I found the best mug evah! It would appear to be authentic 70s retro. I love the pattern on it. The only problem is that it's sooooo small! Definitely not a coffee mug. I'm thinking I can use this for my shot of grapefruit juice in the morning. Plus, it was only 49 cents, so I really couldn't pass it up for that awesome price.


Ah, if only it were four times the size, it would be the PERFECT coffee mug. Ah, well, we can't have it all, now can we?

Another great find was this tin. I haven't the foggiest clue what I'm going to do with it, but hell, it was 99 cents, and pretty funky looking, so it found it's way into my cart. I've always got something I need to hide away in my house - this tin will be the perfect hidey spot. Yes, I am a hider. And I need places to hide things. This will do nicely.



I also found two lovely bags. Since I'm a mom, I find myself carrying a backpack when I go out with the girls anywhere. Really, it's the most practical choice, when I've got tissues, snacks, drinks, sunscreen, library books and who knows what else to lug around with me. the only problem is that I didn't really have a bag for me to carry when I go out without the girls. I'm getting a little old for the "grade 7 look" every day. So I bought this lovely, big-ass bag:



Still big enough to carry tons of stuff, but a little bit better than a backpack.

I also scored a real "grown up lady purse".



This one I'm not sure where I'll take with me, but events do arise when I need something a little bit nicer than a big-ass bag packed full of pretzels and dried fruit bars. So when I do, this will be the purse I'll take with me. I'll feel like an actual grown up! What a concept! Now, if only someone would invite me out someplace nice (yes, honey, that's a hint directed at YOU - after all, my birthday *IS* coming up...) hehehehe

These were my favourite finds. I also scored some tops and pants (us short girls really have a hard time finding pants!) so all in all, it was a great Value Village day. Even found some shorts and a couple of t-shirts for Chris, but sadly, nothing for the girls. They'll have to wait for another day. They're also in desperate need of summer things, now that the nice weather is on the way. So you know what that means - more retail therapy for me! heh.

Aerosmith - Cryin'

A little Steve Tyler to brighten your morning......

Gratitude!

Every now and again when I journal, I like to make lists of things that I am grateful for. It's a good reminder, particularly when I'm feeling bad, that there are always things to be thankful for. Today is a good day, I have many reasons to smile:

• an early morning run in the fog
• line-dried laundry
• waking up to a tidy house
• having quiet time (and doing pilates!) while the girls are watching a video
• lunch with a friend
• my sweet and wonderful hubby
• my two beautiful daughters
• an army of friends and supporters
• feeling lighter, mentally and emotionally
• a beautiful sunny spring day

It's so freeing to finally, finally, FINALLY start feeling like myself again....the "good self", who is able to smile and feel light and see the good in things, even on the not-so-good days. It's been a long time since I've been in touch with this side of myself.

It's good to be back.

Glorious Morning

My internal alarm was set for 6:00 am. I woke up at precisely 6:02. I managed to make it out of the room without waking Em or Mo, who were both sleeping in our room. I was out the door by 6:50 and hit the streets.

It was a good morning to be out there running. At first I was feeling a little discouraged, I haven't been running a lot in the last few months. I'd originally wanted to head down to Point Pleasant, but wasn't sure if I had the mental stamina to get there. Running is about so much more than physical ability; I was sure that physically I could make it, I just wasn't so sure about my mental strength.

By the time I hit the 5 or 6 k mark, I knew that I'd be able to do it. The determination had set in.

I went to the park, ran through it, and made my way home. I saw so many things that made me smile this morning. Dogs running through the park. Other runners. Crocuses on people's lawns. The sun coming through the clouds. My neighbour's magnolia tree beginning to bud, almost ready to bloom in some places.

My body is definitely feeling this morning's 21-k. It's been a good 6 months since I've run that far. But it's okay that I'm feeling it - I definitely enjoy the feeling of having pushed my body harder than it's used to.

Right now I feel content and in love with life. This morning's run reminded me of why I need to keep working.

Saturday Morning Run

I've been seriously slacking off in the running department. I've renewed my commitment to myself to get back to it, though. I won't be able to run the full marathon next month (it's only 27 days away!!) but I've still got my sights set on the 1/2. I know that I'd be disappointed in myself if I didn't run anything, and I've still got enough time left to train for the 1/2. I won't win any speed records, that's for sure, but the very fact that I'm going to be able to finish it says something about my level of determination. It's been a difficult few months for me, personally. Running has taken a definite back seat. I'm trying not to compare my fitness level this year to this time last year, but it's hard. I guess with everything that's happened in my life the last several months I should cut myself some slack. So I am. ;)

I went out this morning for a short 7-k run. It's a glorious sunny morning out there. I'd forgotten how nice early Saturday morning runs are - it's so quiet, hardly any people, not much traffic. I felt very content while I was out there - it was a good feeling to push my body a little bit.

Tomorrow I'll take a break from running, and Monday I'll get out there for a long run - my goal is at least 15-k. We'll see how it goes.

For now, though, I'm going to enjoy the post-run high while I get ready to head off to the Farmer's Market. I can hear the coffee calling me right now.....

Friday I'm in Love

Ah, who doesn't love The Cure? I woke up this morning with this song in my head, a song that I literally haven't thought about in years. So why not share?

I Ate An Emu

Well, not a WHOLE emu, but a burger made from emu meat.

Now, I'm not a very adventurous person when it comes to my meat-eating. We attempted full vegetarianism last year, which lasted only 6 months before we faced the reality that we couldn't hack it. We're still mostly vegetarians, but we do eat meat (only the free-range stuff) about once a week or so. I love bacon and burgers too much to give it up forever (Sorry, Mr. Suzuki).

Chris and his mom were at the "meat store" the other week (that's what we call the place where we can buy free range, hormone/antibiotic free meat in Dartmouth) when she spied some emu meat. She decided to buy some for us, so we could try and it out and let her know how it was (guess she's even LESS adventurous than I am!).

Tonight Chris finally convinced me to have it for dinner. I looked online and read that emu meat is very much like lean ground beef. So we made it into burgers to do on the barbecue. Of course, we ran out of propane halfway through cooking them and had to finish them inside on the stove. How come crap like that never happens to Martha Stewart, huh?

And so the verdict is: it doesn't taste like chicken ;). It really does taste a lot like very lean ground beef...with just a hint of 'weirdness' there that I can't describe. The thing is, emu meat is THREE TIMES the price of the free range beef we get from the same place. So it's definitely NOT worth the money.

I've always wondered if all these 'exotic meats' taste like chicken, then why not just EAT CHICKEN? Same goes with emu. It tastes mostly like beef. Just eat beef, people!!!

As a funny aside, Em decided, after eating the top off her bun, that she wasn't going to eat the burger after all. When asked why not, she said, "I just can't eat a little emu." This coming from the kid who scarfs down bacon every chance she gets, knowing full well that a pig died to make that breakfast happen. When we tried explaining that logic to her, she replied that those other animals just weren't as cute as emus (she'd asked to see photos of them online earlier in the day when she'd heard what was on the menu). In the end we decided not to push it. Hell, I wasn't particularly thrilled about eating an emu myself.

New Beginnings

I was feeling a little sad yesterday about the loss of my old blog. After all, it represented a big chunk of my life. Today, however, I have a bit of a new perspective. I'm seeing it as a fresh start, a new beginning for me. I'm leaving behind my old blog, just like I'm leaving behind the negativity from that old part of my life.

I know that I'm still going to have to dark days and that this doesn't mean that everything is going go be perfect from here on out. But this new blog is a symbol of my own commitment to keep trying, keep moving forward, keep living the best life that I can. Some things, like my old blog, are better left in the past.

Today I move forward with a smile.

Wants vs. Needs

I always wanted to be one of those women who was completely fulfilled by her role as wife and mother. I worked very hard for many years, trying to stuff myself into that role and be happy with it. Since becoming a mommy I've gone through several 'dark periods', where I struggle with depression and feelings of unworthiness.

I've been experiencing the same thing for the past several months now.

What it really boils down to is the fact that I'm not satisfied with just being a wife and mommy. I wanted that, and I tried so hard to be it. I thought that the problem was that I just wasn't trying hard enough. I can see now that there isn't really a "problem", just reality. And the reality is that I need more in my life, that I need more things that are just for me, that are outside of being a wife and mommy.

Despite what I may want, I'm stopping to take a look at what I actually need. The two aren't necessarily the same.

The fact that Emma is getting older is really making me think about the fact that I'm not always going to have these girls of mine. They're not even really "mine", since we can't "have" another person. I've simply been entrusted with the responsibility of nurturing and protecting them, and helping them to become the people that they are meant to be.

And while I'm doing that, I can't forget to nurture myself, and be the person that *I* am meant to be.

Now I'm just left with the task of figuring out who and what that is....