Here we go...

So the big deal in my life right now is that I decided to end my marriage.

It wasn't because my husband is an awful person, or that we were at each other's throats all the time. We had problems, for sure. Lack of communication in some of the biggest areas was likely the biggest problem. We were good friends, good parenting partners, but there were some problemos in other areas. I won't go into a lot of details, those aren't necessary. The main point is that we're ending our marriage, but it's not a particularly ugly situation.

In fact, we're still living in the same house.

Um...yeah. We're living in the same house because of finances and as a way of easing the transition for the girls. We're trying to be friends as much as we can. We have conflict, of course, but it's not nearly as uncomfortable as might be expected, and, it seems, considerably less uncomfortable for us than it seems to be for other people. Ah well.

So life is pretty nutso right now. I've got to get a job. For the time being I need to get a job that I can work evenings and weekends, while C is home to look after the girls. I'm not particularly tickled at the idea of working at a department store or some other shitty retail job. But I'm at the "I gotta do what I gotta do" point in my life.

On the one hand, it totally sucks. On the other, part of me is actually looking forward to having a life and an identity outside of the one that my family gives me. I've spent the last five years of my life completely immersing myself in that role. I tried to be satisfied with it, I tried to make it everything. I discovered that I'm not satisfied with that, much as I wish I were. I need more. Still not sure what the "more" will end up being, but for now, I'm going to satisfy myself with being not only mommy.

Lots of changes. But hell, as I see it, it's my life. I'm not going to get another shot at this.