Lovin' Life

This morning I went to my first aquafit class ever. It was so much fun!

I've never considered myself much of a water person. Too many summers shivering my butt off as a kid, at the lake, suffering through swimming lessons, combined with body image issues and a skin condition has made it relatively uncomfortable for me in terms of getting into a bathing suit around a bunch of people I don't know.

For the last while I've been attempting to work past those issues, taking my girls to the public pool for swims. I'm getting more comfortable with my body and all of it's imperfections, over the years, and thankfully, the psoriasis is better than it has been in years and years.

Since I'm looking for new and fun ways to get some extra exercise, I went out on a limb this week and asked a couple of girlfriends if they would be interested in going to the morning aquafit class with me. They'd done it before, and jumped at the chance (as it turns out, only one of them was able to make it -- hopefully next time, Nicole!).

The class was full of elderly ladies (and one elderly gentleman), and my girlfriend and I. We were the youngest by at least 30 years. The ladies were great - looking around the locker room, I felt a new surge of body confidence. Not because I had the second youngest body in the room, but because if these ladies could be completely unashamed of themselves, at their age, with all of their imperfections, then what the hell did *I* have to worry about? Absolutely nothing!

The class itself was a lot of fun, very laid back. No pressure to perform (especially since no one could actually tell, if, under the water, I was messing up the steps, which on occasion, I certainly did). The instructor was enthusiastic, and it was fun being there with my girlfriend, who is a water person and loves being in the water.

The ladies had great energy, too. I only hope to be that energetic and interested in life at that age. I thought about how I'd been struggling so much with depression with the last while, and today really helped to renew my commitment to love life and enjoy myself. Because in another 30 years, I want to be one of those old ladies, staying active and loving life.

And the best time to start doing that is right now.

Confessions of a Coffee Addict

"Hi, my name is Kelly......and I'm a coffee addict".

At this point, the addiction is just mental and emotional, not physical. Though I'm sure that I'm well on the way to getting back to the point of physical addiction as well. Sorry Dr. MacLellan. I gave it a good go. But we've all got our priorities in life.

Yes, I love my coffee. There's nothing I love more than a huge mug of Just Us (fair trade organic) Dark Italian Roast coffee. I will settle for lesser brands in a pinch, but the Italian Roast is by far my favourite.

I have learned some things over the years as a coffee addict, wisdom that I have acquired from personal experience, that I would very much like to pass on to all of you.

- Everything goes with coffee, but a couple of squares of dark organic chocolate is the coffee addict's best friend. Truly.

- It's okay to talk about your sexy new coffee pot like it's your lover. There will always be others out there who understand and relate.

- Kindly neighbours will almost always oblige when you come begging desperately politely asking for a cup of coffee when you're jonesing like mad for a caffeine fix.

- Yogurt, not even vanilla yogurt, can ABSOLUTELY NOT be substituted for coffee cream. Not even in the most desperate of circumstances.

Ah, coffee...how I love you.

Early Morning Battle

The first time I woke up this morning it was 5 a.m. I forced myself to go back to sleep, unwilling to even entertain the possibility of getting up at that hour, even though my body probably would have thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it. I awoke again at 5:30, and then at 6:00. I could hear the birds, calling to me. The glow from my curtains promised me a glorious morning, the kind that, one year ago, I wouldn't have missed out on for anything. I dozed until 6:20, my body begging me to get out there and move, my mind wrestling me back between the sheets. I laid there, sandwiched between Chris and Molly, listening to their sleeping sounds, visualizing myself running through the streets.

I hauled myself out of bed, waking Molly. She played while I got dressed in my running clothes. By the time I was ready to head out the door, she had crawled back into bed with Chris, and the two of them were looking quite warm and cozy indeed. It took a few encouraging words from the pair of them to finally force encourage me out the door.

A year ago I was the kind of crazy perky morning person who was out there pretty much every day, at the crack of dawn, running through the streets and loving every minute of it. I seem to have lost sight of that in recent months, struggling with depression and not having a whole lot of energy for anything beyond the basic functions of life (and sometimes not even that). Now that the depression appears to be lifting, I'm feeling excited about diving headfirst into life again. Which means, in part, getting back out there and enjoying my early morning runs.

This morning's run was short, but was indeed the kind of run left me feeling energized and alert, ready to greet the day and face whatever challenges that might arise. 'Cuz that's the thing about life - the challenges always arise sooner or later, don't they?

Two in a Row

Well, the cold situation is definitely improving. I've managed to run two days in a row now. Short ones, mind you, but two in a row nevertheless. I actually managed to haul my buns out of bed at 6:30 this morning to hit the streets in the rain. So that's a sure sign that I'm on the upswing.

Both runs were difficult, as they always are after being sick, and after not running for a while, but good despite those two factors. There's always something about running in the rain that makes me feel like "real" runner. I'm not one of those pansy-ass "joggers" that only gets out there under the most ideal conditions. Running in the rain makes me feel like ironwoman! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

I've been a little lax in the blogging department lately, I know, but I'm going to try hard to get back into the swing of things with that, too. Life's been a lot of effort lately, and what with battling this debilitating cold, well, it's just made it all the more challenging. I'm hoping things will be getting back to normal now (whatever that means).

No Miracle Today

Well, I didn't get my miracle. :(

I am still sick; sick enough to not be able to run today.

On the bright side, I am still well enough to have friends over to party anyhow. The "Almost Marathon" party. Ah well. Sometimes the universe has other plans for us.

This is a good reminder that I need to simply celebrate life, and not necessarily my accomplishments in life.

Bring on the beer!

A Golden Parenting Moment

Just a short while ago, while I had the girls in the tub, Miss Emma looked up at me.

"You know what the best part of having a mommy is?" She asked me.

"No." I answered.

"Loving her. " She smiled up at me angelically. "And love you more than ANYTHING."

Wow, kid. Way to melt a mom's heart. Maybe you know exactly how much I needed to hear that today.....

Wellness Update

The cold continues.

After the 3 1/2 hour nap yesterday afternoon, I went to bed at only slightly later than my regular bedtime. I slept another full 8 hours last night.

This morning I had plans to make it to the farmer's market and do our usual library visit. I managed a shower and to get dressed, but about 10 minutes before my departure time, my body gave up on me. I stayed home and napped for 3 hours while Chris took the girls out.

This afternoon I am feeling slightly perkier but I've given up hope on tomorrow's marathon. If I had another full day to recover - MAYBE I would be able to manage it, but as things stand now, I'm just not going to be able to summon up the energy.

I'm trying hard to accept that this is just the way things are. Maybe there's a lesson to be seen in this, who knows. Or maybe the universe just plain hates me.

All I do know at this point is that I need to get out and get myself some cough drops before bedtime tonight.