Today

Today is going to be a good day.

It's the first day in a looooong time that I've actually felt like getting up and going for a run. By default, running days are always better.

There's been a lot going on in my life lately - stuff that I haven't really been talking about here. I'd say that those closest to me know all the details, but even that's not really true. Many people know the basic facts, but the deeper realizations, emotions, and thought processes behind everything have very much remained private.

I haven't been blogging much lately, because my head has been very much wrapped up in what is going on here in my life, things that I haven't been ready, willing and able to discuss. I have been finding it hard to think about much else, most days.

I've been doing a lot of processing. A lot of thinking. A lot of feeling. It's a journey that I've wanted to make on my own, only because this is all so huge that I need to feel as though this is something that I'm doing for the right reasons. I need to look inside myself and rely on my own judgments, perceptions, and emotions. I need to feel, even if I ultimately make the wrong decisions, that it was my very own.

Today I am feel calm, centered, and sure of myself. I am ready to break the silence - I have a feeling that there will be a flurry of emails to a few people with deep explanations -- it seems that I am always better in writing than I am in person. The rest will be discussed with people at a lesser level, but they will get the level of conversation that their friendship warrants.

I feel good and ready to do this.

My life is changing. I am changing. I am learning to rely on myself, trust my instincts, and listen to my inner voice. Good or bad, this is where it is leading me.