Stuck

Right now I am very much feeling "stuck" in my present circumstances.

I don't want to be living in this house any more. But I can't move until I get a job. I've been applying for jobs, but nothing has come of that. I'm just feeling frustrated and wanting to just "get on with it", and get moving forward. Living here, in this house, surrounded by all these memories and patterns and everything else, is keeping me "stuck".

I don't want to be stuck any more.

I realize that this likely sounds like whining, but really, it's not. Well, maybe a little bit. I'm frustrated by so many things right now. My goal of living more "in the moment" has completely fallen apart, as I spend most days just waiting for the day to be over. I have some moments of joy and happiness with the girls, but then that washes away when I think about how my time with them in this way is very much limited. I want to hang on to it with every fibre of my being...and yet I feel like it's being ripped away from me, no matter how hard I hold on. My fingers are slipping, and it's all falling away from me.

And the worst part is that I don't yet even have a "new life" that I can anticipate and plan for.

I hate my life.