My oldest has been going to Sparks now for the last few weeks, since the "school year" began (for those of you unfamiliar, Sparks is the precursor to Brownies). I wanted to put her into a program where she was with other children her own age, since she doesn't get that a lot as a homeschooler. She does get to see other kids a lot, many of them either much older or much younger, and generally in very familiar surroundings.
E is very social, but she's one of those kids who is drawn to adults. She would much rather sit and have a conversation with myself and my girlfriend over tea than go off and play with the other kids. She is extremely socially and verbally gifted when it comes to interacting with adults.
Tonight, when I dropped her off at her Halloween Sparks and Brownies party, I realized that while my daughter is socially gifted when it comes to adults, she's lacking a certain flair when it comes to large groups of children. Granted, we were greeted by pure pandemonium - girls in costumes running around everywhere. She stuck to my side like velcro, actually physically hanging onto my jacket. I looked down at her, this person who is so vibrant, intense, and "larger than life", and suddenly she seemed very small. She was shrinking down inside of herself.
I felt horrible. I pointed out the girls from her Sparks group that she knew. Another girl, a stranger, came over and asked her to play, but E refused. It wasn't until a (much older) neighbour girl approached us, that E seemed to warm up a bit. I took that as an opportunity to rip off the velcro fasteners, say a hurried goodbye, and beat it out of there like the church hall was on fire.
On the walk home, I felt pretty bad about the whole thing. I realized that my daughter looked like the "socially awkward homeschooler" in a group of "well-socialized" kids. It's a pity, especially since I know that she is much more verbal and social than the average 5 year old, despite how things appeared tonight.
I used to think that E would be fine with no matter where she ended up in life...and now I'm not so sure. I guess part of my questioning is coming from the fact that, because of my marriage ending, I don't know if homeschooling will continue past this year. In fact, the way things look right now, I can't imagine that it possibly can continue, much as I would like it to.
Suddenly I feel like I've done my children a huge disservice. The fact that my daughter stood in a room full of children and didn't know where to go or what to do, is decidedly my fault. Already I'm panicked about what will happen if she's thrust into public school next year. Sure, academically she'll be fine - but socially, she'll be eaten alive. I feel sick just thinking about it.
And so, my daughter is "that awkward homeschooled kid" after all.
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4 comments:
scarlet. or kermit..or who ever u are going by these days :) a friend of mines two daughters are the same way. and they have been public schoold their whole life. if they enter a room full of kids they dont know their first response is to shelter away. some kids are scared to make new friends. and some kids will run up to you on teh play ground and ask you to play squirrels in the old tree at the end of the school yard ;)
but eventually they will make friends, just keep them involved in things were other kids are.
i know for other reasons you will likely have to put them in pulbic school next year but know that you didnt do them any injustice. for the first couple years of their school lives they had what most children beg for and can never imagine having. mom time. :)
God love ya, Jill. ;) I still sometimes think about digging holes in that sand pit and making "mini-land" with you guys. Can you believe we've known each other since we were FIVE YEARS OLD? That's the same age that E is right now.
Goddammit, I feel old.
Thanks for the pep talk, by the way. It's always appreciated coming from one "old squirrel" to another. ;)
I wouldn't worry a bit. My kids are/were the same way - especially the oldest. Remember, E is only 5 years old and the world is a big and strange place even with kids that she knows.
Relax.
My oldest at 13 (home schooled for 4 years) would still rather hang with adults than kids his age. He didn't call me 'dad' until he was 5 (his first words were not dada...but Robb - the truth). As socially gifted as he was, and is, he was also the velcro child. Particularly velcro-like at age 5.
Some things are beyond your control at the moment. Everything will iron out.
I must agree with the other posters! I was myself that child who is awkward when in a group of children, but perfectly at ease with adults... and I was not homeschooled! And it seems that even if my boy is at ease with other kids, he does get intimidated with large groups, and is more clingy than he was in his earlier years... So it is probably in part due to her age andto her personality!
As for sending your children to public school, it is no shame if you ennd up sending your kids there!
If you end up finding a way to make homeschooling fit with your new life, you may want to read a few books about socialization, I have 3 I could recommend, not all specifically related to homeschooling. And if you send your kids to school, you can still "after-school"! A good book about that would be "Guerilla Learning" by Grace Llewellynn. You can probably get it at the library.
No matter what you end up doing, you are going to chose whatever you feel is the best for your girls in the current situation, and no one can blame you for it!! And neither should you!
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