Fear has always been a powerful force in my life.
Reacting out of fear is a knee-jerk, gut reaction for me. It's instinctual. I can do it without thinking about it.
Being aware of this trend in my life only makes it somewhat easier. At least being aware of fear at work means then when I continue to react out of fear, it's much more of a conscious choice, than an unconscious reaction. And ultimately, given the option, I would much rather be awake and aware of what I'm doing, than walking through life in a blind trance. The blind trace is not the path to joy...which is likely my ultimate goal in life.
But to answer the question - the blind trance is easier, at least for me. Once someone told me to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Some days I'm able to do that, but others...it is very much a struggle. I'm feeling that right now...staring fear in the face...heart-pounding, sweaty-palmed fear...wondering which way I'm going to turn.
Do I let the fear cause me to turn tail and run in the other direction, to hide behind something "safe"? Or do I look the fear square in the eye, feel it to the depths of my soul, and walk straight toward it, knowing that I could either crash and burn and feel some of the worst pain of my life, or finally feel full and complete happiness for possibly the first time in my life?
My heart is pounding.
My palms are sweaty.
What is it that I'm really afraid of? Getting hurt? Or being happy?
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