Loneliness

I crawled into my bed last night feeling a bit lonely. I read a book for a little while and turned out the light generally feeling a bit uncomfortable with being all alone in my bed.

It hasn't been a long time, but already I'm finding myself missing the warmth of another person in bed beside me. Just that exchange of positive energy that happens when you're snuggled close to a big hairy man in bed. I'm not saying that I regret my decision about my marriage; but there are still some things I miss.

Generally I feel good about my newfound independence. I am learning that I am strong and capable on my own. I don't need someone else to hold me up. I can make good decisions on my own, and feel good about the whole process. Independence is treating me well.

The things I miss right now about being in a relationship is the physical contact. I am a very "touchy-feely" kind of person. I love hugs and kisses and snuggles. They don't even have to be of an intimate nature, just as long as it's another warm human being.

I was curled up in bed last night feeling a little sorry for myself when I heard the girls' bedroom door open. A minute later, M crawled up into my bed beside me.

"Thirsty." She's a girl of few words at 1:00 a.m.

I passed her a drink, and after she'd guzzled it, she snuggled up close beside me, tangling her arms and legs around me, getting as close as she could.

Her sweet little voice cut through the darkness. "I love you, Mama."

Guess she was a little lonely in her bed, too. Or maybe she sensed that I was.

I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled close. She might not be big and hairy and all those things that I like about men, but she was oozing positive loving energy. I drank it up with every molecule in my body.

As I go through this whole process I still sometimes wonder if I'm going to be okay. It was moments like last night that assured me that I most definitely will.

I love you too, Mo.