I'm at a point with the mess in this house that I'm about ready to lose it.
My main issue is - you guessed it - toys around the house. The girls can positively trash the entire downstairs in less than an hour flat...and then when it comes time to help clean it up...guess what? They whine, bellyache, and goof around until I'm ready to tear out my hair.
I've reached a point where I'm not even sure what to do anymore. Several months ago, most of their toys got moved upstairs to live in the playroom and their bedroom (both of which are ALWAYS messy, but that's another battle for another day). With relatively few things downstairs, one would assume that the messes would be minor - HAH! The Playmobil stuff, wooden blocks, play food and dishes, Thomas the Train stuff, felt people, Lego blocks, books, Polly Pockets, wooden castle playset and art supplies all live in the downstairs area of our house. And of course....they get dragged all over the place.
At 3 1/2 and 5 1/2, I firmly believe that the girls can and should be helping to clean up the messes they make.
The problem comes with actually getting them to do it. I've tried making it fun, by playing music and cleaning with them. I've tried making it a game, by setting the timer and seeing if we can get it cleaned up before the timer goes off. I've tried punishments and removal of priviledges. All of these things work for a while, but eventually it reaches a point where it's too much effort and headache to actually get them to help.
I'm ready to tear out my hair here, people. I'm at the end of my rope and looking for suggestions..................................................
.....anyone have any brilliant ideas?
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5 comments:
my kid's whole world comes to an abrupt halt when things are a mess...
they clean it up... if i have to use them like a marinette to start with... then they finish the job...
:)
tough love...
grrrrrrrrrr...
:)
funny i never took you for a softy...
can i borrow 50 bucks...?
:)
I wouldn't call myself a "softy", really. I guess I'm softer compared to some people, but I firmly believe in respecting my children's rights as human beings.
I would rather set consequences for not complying with a request than "force" them to do something. I think that it's important for them to learn that in many things, they DO have choices, but then there will be (appropriate) consequences FOR those choices....after all, that's what happens when one is an adult. I can choose to never clean my toilet, but then I have to put up with a disgusting toilet, and likely having friends refuse to come over because they can't stand it, either. So, for those reasons, I make the choice to clean my toilet. I think children need to learn that choices result in consequences...both positive and negative. And cleaning? Well, that's one of those things that I CAN make a "battleground", because it's not *that* huge of a deal. Running out into the street is a non-negotiable item. Cleaning up wooden blocks is...because in the grand scheme of things, it's not a 'life-and-death' issue.
I think what I need to do is to come up with some more effective (and/or more appropriate) consequences for these situations....
I am not certain, since sometimes my kids to clean up, and some other days.... First thing, have a talk with them. SEcond, go through the toys and donate/trash whatever you can. Third, make sure each toy has its place. Fourth, if all this fails, take toys away from them for a while. Mr the Garbage Bag will be my best friend this week! ;)
I'd suggest absolute consistency, whatever you do. If you keep changing tactics, and only enforce consequences when you have the energy, it becomes a game to try and get out of the chores. Especially for kids as smart as yours. I know this because my dad figured it was ultimately easier to do things himself than to get my brother and I to do it, and we KNEW it. They always know :)
As for what the consequences should be, that's trickier. As an adult, you don't clean it and it stays messy is fair enough, especially if you don't have roommates. But consequences that make you suffer more than them (or makes both of them suffer for the other's actions) are always a bad idea.
Here's a thought, though . . . what if toys that aren't put away when you ask get put away by you: permanently. Or, you know, for a reasonable period of time, but in a box in the basement where they can't get at them. Fewer toys = less mess to drive mommy nuts! And you'd likely find that the things they really love, they'd learn to take care of in pretty short order. Of course, this doesn't work if it's a toy M loves and E has left out, or vice-versa. But if you could think of a good way around that one, you'd have a consequence that really makes sense, and that solves the problem by its very nature.
-Alishya
Thanks Alishya and Pascale :)
What I decided to do was this: I sat down with the two girls yesterday for a serious conversation about the general messiness of the house (as per your suggestion, Pascale). I told them that things couldn't continue in the way that they had been. I told them that I expected them both to contribute more to household chores by doing a better job of cleaning up their own messes. My end of the bargain was this - I said that I will not expect them to do more than what is "fair" (MY definition of fair) in terms of cleaning.
I also explained to them what the consequences would be (Alishya, I think you and I were on the same wavelength). I told them that failure to clean up, when asked, would result in ME doing it, and revoving the "offending toys" for a specified time period, which will get longer and longer with each "offense" (This was the best thing that I could come up with in terms of the consequences fitting the "crime"). After the conversation they both seemed to "get it"....so here's hoping. I'll be putting this plan into action once I'm back in town and we're on a regular schedule...I'll be sure to give an update on how it goes.....
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