In about an hour or so, the girls and I are leaving to spend a couple of days with my mother.
I am not looking forward to it.
This is the first visit I've had with her without a "male buffer" (i.e. "C") in about 5 or 6 years. I'm worried that she's going to take advantage of my vulnerability to speak her mind too freely, and ultimately make me feel rotten. She's an extremely negative person, and I am vulnerable to other people's moods...particularly hers. We have a long history of co-dependence that I haven't entirely broken away from.
I have been preparing myself for this visit for a while now. The key will be to remain on my guard, not give her too much, and throw up a protective barrier as soon as she pushes me too hard. I used to feel bad that I couldn't "be myself" with my mother, but over the years I have realized that the responsibility for that rests with her, not me. She's not compassionate and understanding enough to be trusted with something as fragile as my heart. Those are her choices that create that situation. All I can do is what's best for me.
If nothing else, this weekend will be a good test of the "new and improved" Mama Scarlet, who is going to do what's best for her. I'm more than a little nervous about how it's going to go.
Pray for my soul, people. Pray.for.my.soul.
heh
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2 comments:
see my rant i sent you about negative people. apply to self.
just cus shes your moma dont mean she has the right to make you feel bad. in fact it gives her less right to do so.
****sending good karma your way*****
xoxoxox
are you sure you arent going to my Moms house?
:)
everytime i talk to her she asks me when i am putting the kids into school... and how i am ruining them... and how badly behaved they are...
basically everytime i talk to my mother she tells me how much i suck...
and i fairly constantly do that enough to myself... so it double-y sucks when she is around...
good luck!!
I feel your pain!!!
:(
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